Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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