I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
