You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
