That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
