And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
that may or may not have been my penis.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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