She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
