I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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