you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
