tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
