I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
