Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
