What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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