he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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