yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
