Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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