alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
