I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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