totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
