kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
