He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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