Sponge bath it is.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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