No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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