Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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