either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
