sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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