come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
