Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
