Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
