my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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