I saw his package. It spoke to me.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
