They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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