I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
