Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
