Why is your signature on my underwear?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
