Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
