She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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