My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
