I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
