I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
