And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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