I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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