then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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