I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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