Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
