I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
