he told me I talked like a deaf person
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
