I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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