Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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