His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
