She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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