Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
